It's like looking a treasure when it's already mine

-Jesse McCartney, Runnin'

Insecurity Issues. *points to quote*

So many people have them that I practically think it's part of human nature.

The most obvious example- Jesse McCartney. I saw somewhere that Runnin' is his favourite song of Departure and I saw somewhere else that Leavin is the only song of Departure that he doesn't have first-hand experience with.

The song describes an originally perfect relationship, and he was completely fine with commitment.

But after a while, he got afraid when the girl wanted more, he got afraid of the heartbreak and making mistakes.

As the book The Nature of Jade says, life is all about risking it all and living it to the fullest, just in order to stay alive. And that was written from the POV of a girl with Panic Disorder.

Example number 2.

I watched this show a few years back about this guy, who wanted to record down the sounds of a forest even though he lives in it. He wants to hold on to it, when he can already memorize what it sounds like.

And that relates to the fact that he was really afraid to lose this girl that he loves, even though she was already his.

I honestly don't know why I remember that part when I can hardly remember the other bits of the plot.

Next example. My dad.

Every school day, he has to bring me and my sister to school. Because my sister's obsessed with going to school early, we always go to her school first even though Nanyang's closer.

He knows the exact route to take, maybe even 3 alternatives routes that don't require going to Nanyang first. If we go to Nanyang first, he knows a whole load of ways to go too.

So even though he knows the route so clearly, every morning without fail, he would switch on that little navigator of his, and let an electronic device guide him.

And no, the navigator doesn't provide current-time info like traffic jams, or give faster routes.

Oh and another thing that I was crapping to my sister about a few weeks/months ago.

Security guards have insecurity issues too.

A tragedy happened or maybe it's just their personality, and they lose all their sense of security, They feel small and shriveled in this big, big world.

So, they need something to give them a false sense of security, that they are not insecure just because they make others feel secure.

They would be policemen, except that they can't get over their insecurity and won't be able to take the responsibility.

And I believe inferiority complexes and self-confidence fall under insecurity issues too.

Get over it, just suck it up and try to make yourself more than that tiny 1/6.787 billion of Earth, rather than whine about it all day.

I feel like a total hypocrite for saying that, I'm not even close to taking my own advice.

gahhh.

anyway, I don't know why I posted that chunk about insecurity issues. what else did I want to post about..... oh yeah, why my family's financial situation is just pure shit.

we aren't well-to-do at all, that's obvious, but we aren't that bad, if all my parents needed to provide for was the four of us.

but have I ever told any of you that they must also support my 4 other cousins? and my aunts and grandmother. all from my maternal side.

Blood is thicker than water, whatever. just let me be a hateful little bitch for awhile.

my mum was born in Indonesia, middle child of 3, with an older sister and a younger brother. their family horribly poor, I doubt any of the 3 received even Primary education.

now, 40+ years down the road, my aunt is widowed with 2 children, a girl and a boy.

I don't think their family is all that bad. the girl is a decent student in Republic Polytechnic, working as a tuition teacher on weekends. she's on a financial aid, and pays for the rest of her school fees herself.

the guy is currently awaiting the next batch of admission applications and works full-time-ish.

they're just a little dependent on us for accommodation and food.

Now, my uncle's side. he has 3 children, 2 which are currently staying with us too. they're also waiting for admission applications, but their english just sucks that as I know of, the older one got rejected from ITE.

so they're taking crash courses, and you know what. my dad pays for them. the whole thing, really. because I'm just such a daddy's little girl and stalks him everywhere. okay maybe not, as in the daddy's little girl part. the part about paying for their tuition is the cold, solid truth.

and they eat a lot, I do mean a lot.

my mum barely needs to cook if only the four members of my immediate family are eating. my sister and I really don't eat a lot, and all four of us aren't that picky.

or at least my picky-ness can be easily attended to.

now, with them around, she needs to whip up a feast for every meal.

that's why every single time I take money from my dad for something as essential as stationery, he would flinch slightly and say that I've already took my allowance, which btw, I had to repeatedly ask for from my mum, but he'd still give it to me because he's just awesome. AT TIMES.

I think this explains why they don't buy me any assessment books or practice papers. at all.

financial background doesn't matter to your success if you work hard enough, yeah right.

---

I should stop posting about horrible issues. but at least I know why I posted that bit, besides the fact that I'm pissed off. it was inspired by a certain friend, who I don't think should be named, who has a fked up family financial situation too.

let's post about something more light-hearted.

so a few weeks ago my class watched a really gay musical/opera called The Magic Flute during music. I did post about that right? trust me, it was so gay that even if you add up Darryl's and Klan's and Justin's gayness, it won't even be half of how gay it was.

then for the third time in my life I walked past this poster, titled 飞轮海：新体验！then nat's oh-so-kawaii was playing a flute in the picture.

and this was how my train of thought went "aaron playing flute. flute-> the magic flute. the magic flute=gay. therefore, aaron=gay"

Nat is so gonna kill me, but that was honestly the first thing that came into my mind. DOESN'T MEAN I THINK HE'S GAY OR ANYTHING, after that.

train of thought reminds me of The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl, which I rewatched on Star Movies yesterday.

then I was bored and wiki-ed Taylor Lautner.

Lautner was a junior at Valencia High School for the 2008-09 school year, but tested out of high school and is taking college classes.[13]

-Wikipedia, Taylor Lautner-Personal life. link

Taylor Latuner went to Valencia High School. hahahahahahaha.

yes, I know that Valencia is actually a place and it shouldn't be that funny. but the fact that Taylor Latuner went there just makes it funny.

oh and Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park is in Valencia. KevJumba was giving out coupons for it through the internet.

anyway, I feel so proud that I stepped into a library without needing to be dragged by someone today.

at first I went to pay my overdue fines for Genesis Alpha. then I suddenly remembered I don't have a book to read.

so I searched for random authors that I actually read from before. besides Jodi Picoult, since I could lend them from my friends.

and there weren't a lot, so I borrowed the only other book by the author of Genesis Alpha, The Reminder or something.

which also involves someone dying. which reminded me once again that I gravitate to books involved with dying.

Genesis Alpha- it's talking about a university student who hates his clone/brother who was made to save him, because he thinks that he's replacing him in their parent's hearts. so he turns evil and becomes an online stalker. then he kills this girl he found online, but only after slashing her brutally and making her bleed.

Nineteen Minutes- a high school kid is bullied too much since kindergarten then during high school his best and only friend betrays him. then after time he breaks under pressure and starts a school shooting.

Death Note Another Note: L is After BB Los Angeles BB Murder Cases It's smack right in the title. about this psycho kid called BB from Wammy's who's trying too hard to get L's attention and imitate him. so he starts a series of murders, leaving behind weird clues every single time. oh nvm you probably didn't get half of the summary if you didn't read/watch Death Note.

deaths are cool. but anyway it's also because a lot of books out there involve death in one way or another. I'm not sadistic, kay.

I know, I rock at digressing.

and I really should go do my homework now.

It's like looking a treasure when it's already mine

-Jesse McCartney, Runnin'

Insecurity Issues. *points to quote*

So many people have them that I practically think it's part of human nature.

The most obvious example- Jesse McCartney. I saw somewhere that Runnin' is his favourite song of Departure and I saw somewhere else that Leavin is the only song of Departure that he doesn't have first-hand experience with.

The song describes an originally perfect relationship, and he was completely fine with commitment.

But after a while, he got afraid when the girl wanted more, he got afraid of the heartbreak and making mistakes.

As the book The Nature of Jade says, life is all about risking it all and living it to the fullest, just in order to stay alive. And that was written from the POV of a girl with Panic Disorder.

Example number 2.

I watched this show a few years back about this guy, who wanted to record down the sounds of a forest even though he lives in it. He wants to hold on to it, when he can already memorize what it sounds like.

And that relates to the fact that he was really afraid to lose this girl that he loves, even though she was already his.

I honestly don't know why I remember that part when I can hardly remember the other bits of the plot.

Next example. My dad.

Every school day, he has to bring me and my sister to school. Because my sister's obsessed with going to school early, we always go to her school first even though Nanyang's closer.

He knows the exact route to take, maybe even 3 alternatives routes that don't require going to Nanyang first. If we go to Nanyang first, he knows a whole load of ways to go too.

So even though he knows the route so clearly, every morning without fail, he would switch on that little navigator of his, and let an electronic device guide him.

And no, the navigator doesn't provide current-time info like traffic jams, or give faster routes.

Oh and another thing that I was crapping to my sister about a few weeks/months ago.

Security guards have insecurity issues too.

A tragedy happened or maybe it's just their personality, and they lose all their sense of security, They feel small and shriveled in this big, big world.

So, they need something to give them a false sense of security, that they are not insecure just because they make others feel secure.

They would be policemen, except that they can't get over their insecurity and won't be able to take the responsibility.

And I believe inferiority complexes and self-confidence fall under insecurity issues too.

Get over it, just suck it up and try to make yourself more than that tiny 1/6.787 billion of Earth, rather than whine about it all day.

I feel like a total hypocrite for saying that, I'm not even close to taking my own advice.

gahhh.

anyway, I don't know why I posted that chunk about insecurity issues. what else did I want to post about..... oh yeah, why my family's financial situation is just pure shit.

we aren't well-to-do at all, that's obvious, but we aren't that bad, if all my parents needed to provide for was the four of us.

but have I ever told any of you that they must also support my 4 other cousins? and my aunts and grandmother. all from my maternal side.

Blood is thicker than water, whatever. just let me be a hateful little bitch for awhile.

my mum was born in Indonesia, middle child of 3, with an older sister and a younger brother. their family horribly poor, I doubt any of the 3 received even Primary education.

now, 40+ years down the road, my aunt is widowed with 2 children, a girl and a boy.

I don't think their family is all that bad. the girl is a decent student in Republic Polytechnic, working as a tuition teacher on weekends. she's on a financial aid, and pays for the rest of her school fees herself.

the guy is currently awaiting the next batch of admission applications and works full-time-ish.

they're just a little dependent on us for accommodation and food.

Now, my uncle's side. he has 3 children, 2 which are currently staying with us too. they're also waiting for admission applications, but their english just sucks that as I know of, the older one got rejected from ITE.

so they're taking crash courses, and you know what. my dad pays for them. the whole thing, really. because I'm just such a daddy's little girl and stalks him everywhere. okay maybe not, as in the daddy's little girl part. the part about paying for their tuition is the cold, solid truth.

and they eat a lot, I do mean a lot.

my mum barely needs to cook if only the four members of my immediate family are eating. my sister and I really don't eat a lot, and all four of us aren't that picky.

or at least my picky-ness can be easily attended to.

now, with them around, she needs to whip up a feast for every meal.

that's why every single time I take money from my dad for something as essential as stationery, he would flinch slightly and say that I've already took my allowance, which btw, I had to repeatedly ask for from my mum, but he'd still give it to me because he's just awesome. AT TIMES.

I think this explains why they don't buy me any assessment books or practice papers. at all.

financial background doesn't matter to your success if you work hard enough, yeah right.

---

I should stop posting about horrible issues. but at least I know why I posted that bit, besides the fact that I'm pissed off. it was inspired by a certain friend, who I don't think should be named, who has a fked up family financial situation too.

let's post about something more light-hearted.

so a few weeks ago my class watched a really gay musical/opera called The Magic Flute during music. I did post about that right? trust me, it was so gay that even if you add up Darryl's and Klan's and Justin's gayness, it won't even be half of how gay it was.

then for the third time in my life I walked past this poster, titled 飞轮海：新体验！then nat's oh-so-kawaii was playing a flute in the picture.

and this was how my train of thought went "aaron playing flute. flute-> the magic flute. the magic flute=gay. therefore, aaron=gay"

Nat is so gonna kill me, but that was honestly the first thing that came into my mind. DOESN'T MEAN I THINK HE'S GAY OR ANYTHING, after that.

train of thought reminds me of The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl, which I rewatched on Star Movies yesterday.

then I was bored and wiki-ed Taylor Lautner.

Lautner was a junior at Valencia High School for the 2008-09 school year, but tested out of high school and is taking college classes.[13]

-Wikipedia, Taylor Lautner-Personal life. link

Taylor Latuner went to Valencia High School. hahahahahahaha.

yes, I know that Valencia is actually a place and it shouldn't be that funny. but the fact that Taylor Latuner went there just makes it funny.

oh and Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park is in Valencia. KevJumba was giving out coupons for it through the internet.

anyway, I feel so proud that I stepped into a library without needing to be dragged by someone today.

at first I went to pay my overdue fines for Genesis Alpha. then I suddenly remembered I don't have a book to read.

so I searched for random authors that I actually read from before. besides Jodi Picoult, since I could lend them from my friends.

and there weren't a lot, so I borrowed the only other book by the author of Genesis Alpha, The Reminder or something.

which also involves someone dying. which reminded me once again that I gravitate to books involved with dying.

Genesis Alpha- it's talking about a university student who hates his clone/brother who was made to save him, because he thinks that he's replacing him in their parent's hearts. so he turns evil and becomes an online stalker. then he kills this girl he found online, but only after slashing her brutally and making her bleed.

Nineteen Minutes- a high school kid is bullied too much since kindergarten then during high school his best and only friend betrays him. then after time he breaks under pressure and starts a school shooting.

Death Note Another Note: L is After BB Los Angeles BB Murder Cases It's smack right in the title. about this psycho kid called BB from Wammy's who's trying too hard to get L's attention and imitate him. so he starts a series of murders, leaving behind weird clues every single time. oh nvm you probably didn't get half of the summary if you didn't read/watch Death Note.

deaths are cool. but anyway it's also because a lot of books out there involve death in one way or another. I'm not sadistic, kay.

I know, I rock at digressing.

and I really should go do my homework now.

QIANYU.

September 9th, 1997.
Nanyang Softball '13.

I like organization and spending time by myself and learning new things.
I also enjoy not talking about my feelings and yelling at people about fictional characters.


Cory Monteith
May 11th, 1982 - July 13th, 2013
no I will never be over this please don't even ask thank you.


Twitter. Facebook.

5k'08. 111'10. bijou. daphne. divya. jessie. joy. joyce. kayhan. lynn. natalie. ngxin. seemin. ximin. yanzhe. yonghui.



Layout by mymostloved*, graphics from obsequious. Background from fivepointsapart and colors here.