but you'll always be my hero, even when you've lost your mind;
Saturday, 1 January 2011 // 03:00
-Uh, hey, I only realized how freakishly long this post is after I finished writing it and I'm not going to bother to cut it so yeah, you're not really encouraged to read it. But no, it's not about stupid celebrity shit I cannot believe you actually 'lectured' me on that.-
So maybe I’m a masochist, I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave.
Til the walls are goin’ up in smoke with all our memories
-Rihanna ft. Eminem, Love The Way You Lie Pt. 2
What did Rihanna do to her hair man. And I cannot stand What's My Name. And I do not get the big deal about Drake. I mean, even JMac likes him, huh.
Nevermind sorry not the point, that was because I'm watching the AMAs? Yeahhh, that's the first thing I'm doing in 2011. I don't even know why I'm watching it. Like, nobody I really like is performing or nominated or even just, there. Ohh except for Enrique Iglesias' really kewl performance. It's really just that a local network finally decided to air award shows and idk, as a stupid American fan I just have to watch it.
ANYWAYYYY.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!:D
Oh crap it's already 2011 this sucks. I cannot believe I spent the last few hours or so of 2010 chiong-reading my book, and then I'd have to spend my new year's doing my homework. Ughhh, I hate the stupid procrastinator in me. But not the point, I shall talk about positive things now!
Ugh I hate the Black Eyed Peas.
Okay, back to my epic new year's post. Hmm. What else OOH ENRIQUE IGLESIAS' COOL PERFORMANCE. Ahhh he's so freakishly hot. And that little douche who introduced him pronounced his name "Igresias". Ahahah I see Taylor Swift with her weird bangs.
Omg kay sorry. It's just, a really awesome performance, even though I don't even like the songs that much. It's just, really high and omg why is Miley Cyrus right after him.
ANYWAY. I don't really know if I should do the whole new year resolutions and reflecting on my previous year post now. Okay whatever I shall attempt.
I shall start with my reflections thinga first. Okay honestly, 2010 was really not a good year for me. So, I went to secondary school, and yeah, looking back, it was really really bad. Like, honestly, I really don't have a lot of close friends. Uhh, my social circle changed a lot throughout the year. Beginning of the year, it was like, KMSC because we really tried to stay together, and a couple of people like Divya Daphne and XiMin. And then after awhile KMSC drifted apart due to, stuff, and I still talk to Nat and Lynn often-ish and we'd feel really comfortable around each other when we're actually together face-to-face, but I can't like, randomly keep texting YanZhe and FuYuan throughout literally the whole day and spend all my time in school with YongHui anymore. Ughh I miss that.
Anyway, yeah, uh, I got closer to NgXin, around, I have no idea when. I think our friendship started as me MSN-ing her because she had The Truth as her personal message, really! Hahah I just remembered that. So yeah, our friendship started mainly because of really similar music tastes. And then, I became close friends with Bijou around, idkwhen too. Because we'd both be chionging homework hahah, I think. OKAY JUST BECAUSE MY FRIENDSHIPS START ON STUPID TRIVIAL THINGS DOESN'T MEAN THAT'S ALL THEY'RE BASED ON OKAY.
There was this period of time, I was actually really social. Idk, I'd actually talk to random people I don't actually know. As in, like, friends of friends. Yep.
And then somewhere along late this year, I just totally got not-close to literally everyone. There's something wrong with me, really. I don't even know why, I just somehow got a lot more distant with everyone. I used to like, actually say "Text me!" to Daphne all the time, like after school and everything we'd just text about stupid things. Now I barely text her about anything that's not softball. And I used to like, spam NgXin about completely random shit and just, gah. I have a lot more examples, trust me.
There's something very wrong with me, that causes me to really really suck at maintaining healthy friendships. Like what Dexter said in the season finale, wait let me go find it. Ooh omg "imdb dexter" is actually the second suggestion on Google Instant after "imdb glee" when you type in "imdb", oooooh, is it really that popular whee. Anywayy, yeah, the thing he said is "They make it look so easy, connecting with another human being. It's like no one told them it's the hardest thing in the whole world."
But like, a psychopath who was traumatized at young who now moonlights as a criminal killer and is practically sort-of emotionless said that! I mean, he only realized that he loved his wife after she was brutally murdered by his serial-killer-nemesis. And like, his sister always does this thing where she says "Love you" and she waits, and prompts him to force him to say it back. And, the woman he fell in love with and actually realized it while she was alive was someone whom was raped and barely escaped murder and wants to kill all the people who did that to her so he helped her kill them but after that was done she realized all her demons were gone blah blah so she had to leave him.
God that was a really long sentence so my sentence structure is completely, I don't even know. Anyway, my point is, am I really as bad as him. Gosh, I disgust myself sometimes.
I mean, I'm on very-friendly terms with mostly everyone, but I'm just close to like no one. Gah.
Okay I shall stop posting about my screwed up social skills, I didn't mean to make it sound like a whiney rant or something, it's just really one of the significant things of my year. I should get a therapist. Hahah you know how it's so cool when someone says "My therapist says..." Hahah idk I'm weird.
Kay. Now I shall post about my horrible work attitude. I think I wasn't this bad last year, like, I wasn't the most diligent student but I did most of my homework I think? And I actually did my assignments more than one day before the deadline. I don't know what happened to me this year, I just went into this weird funk thinking that I could get away with anything without trying. It totally fucked up my academic year. You know, like how I haven't even started on my LA assignment that I had two months to do but instead I decided to leave it till the last two days to finish. Idk, I can't really think of much to say for this.
Uhh, what else. Softball. I shall not post about how I don't really fit in with my batchmates, because yeah, I'm done with the social bit of this post. I'm just not really good at it at all, and I'm not really trying that hard to improve because I just don't have the passion. Okay well it's mostly because being sucky at it is discouraging already plus the whole not-fitting-in thing which discourages me even more, but anywayyyy, it just reminds me how I don't have a passion at all. Which just brings me to the point of my 2010 recap, my life is really directionless.
I don't have close friends, my academics are a total mess, and I don't even have something I love. Gahh what is wrong with me and my life.
OKAY I SHALL STOP BEING A WHINY BITCH AND SET MY RESOLUTIONS. Not in order of priority,
#1 Improve my work attitude. Idk how okay, just slap myself and and snap myself out of this weird funk because if not I'd be really screwed. There really isn't much else I can do.
#2 Be more committed to softball. I mean, who cares that I'm the worst player in the whole team and how most of my batchmates are part of this elite clique I'm not in. I need to stop thinking of it as something I'm forced to do and instead as something I might actually enjoy, so I might maybe legitimately have a chance of improving. I shall not pon trainings anymore.
#3 Uhhh, be more sociable? Idk man. This is the one thing I don't actually know how to fix.
#4 Work out more. Apparently, training thrice a week isn't enough. I need to get in shape. No, I'm not one of those ridiculous bimbos who go "I'M SO FATTT I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT OHNOES", which reminds me of this random person I follow on Twitter who's freaking irritating man not the point. I mean, I know I'm not obese or anything, but I'm not in the best shape and it would be much better if I exercise more and lose most the flab on my thighs. And my stomach and my arms, but those two aren't that obvious, I think.
#5 Have healthier eating habits. Yeah, this is sort of co-related to my previous resolution. I realized that I have a really horrible diet. I eat very little veggies, because I'm really really picky, and more-than-very-little-but-still-not-enough fruits, so I'm not getting enough vitamins and stuff. And I eat too much egg, my cholesterol level's like damn omgwts I bet. If I was like 40 I would've died already. And I snack too much, on unhealthy stuff with way too much salt and MSG. And I drink too many flavoured drinks, which are just sugar, sugar, flavourings, more sugar etc. And I eat too much fastfood, which is a really disgusting type of food, honestly.
#6 I SEE DARREN CRISS. Okay sorry, just that I didn't think he was like, famous enough to go to the AMAs, hahah idk you don't even know him. Anyway. Develop better sleeping patterns. Sort of co-related to the whole health thing too. It'll just make me feel more awake and energetic and yeahh. I miss that period in Mid-November or so where I'd go to sleep at 11'30pm-ish, and wake up at around 7'30am naturally and not feel tired. Ah, good times man.
#7 Use the Internet less. Most of the time I'm just doing stupid random shit. And sometimes I'd have nothing to do but I'd just sit there pressing the Twitter logo over and over just to keep refreshing. It's negatively affecting my grades and idk, just not a good habit.
#8 Watch less TV. Same as the previous one. Most of the time I'd just be lying on my couch channel-flicking because there's nothing to watch. Seriously, I don't why I think that I need to spend all my time in front of the TV.
#9 Uhhhh, idk I'm trying to get to #11, yknow, 2011 and all. Read more. I read very, very little because I have a ridiculously short attention span. I couldn't even get myself to get past the first few chapters of FlashForward even though I completely love that show. Reading's just a very good habit yeahh, it improves my language skills and perspective of life etc etc. Hahah idk where the perspective of life thing came from. But yeah, I just don't read much, at all, unless I'm forced to.
#10 Develop better relationships with my family. I don't think my relationships with them are that crappy actually. I don't not get along with my parents as long as I don't overuse my laptop? Which I really don't, I mostly off it by 12, which is kinda impressive okay. Oh plus the thing my mum keeps bitching to me about, something about my tone or something. Idk, I use a perfectly okay tone to talk to her okay. And my sister, idk, we get along most of the time as long as I don't take her iTouch without asking or something? The rest of the stuff is usually her, like how she's sometimes just in a pissy mood and is bitchy to everyone in the family, and how she's sometimes freaking irresponsible and ignorant. Yeahh, I'm such an awesome sister man, I'm just irritating sometimes only please.
#11 Be a nicer person in general. Like, idk, I don't really know how I'm mean. Like, I respect everyone's fandoms by like, not saying anything mean about literally anyone, I try not to be too opinionated to the point of bitchiness, I'm not really bossy and demanding (I think). Yeahh, but I could be nicer in some ways I guess. Like, how I shouldn't tell Divya about how the 2009 AMAs wasn't actually "totes awesome" just because Adam Lambert shoved a guy's face into his crotch and made out with his keyboardist/bassist, because being saying things like that is a total buzzkill?
Gosh I spent like two hours writing all this. 'Cause like, the 2010 AMAs just ended, and it's two hours long and i started posting when I started watching it.
Ooh they're showing that American Dragon: Jake Long show on Disney! I missed that show! Why did they ever stop showing it, really. Did it get cancelled or something.
I don't know if I should I do my challenge 'cause it doesn't fit with the rest of the post. But yeah, it'd be mean not to. Anddd, I shall change my blogskin really really sooooon.
Day 14 - Your favorite Kris Allen interview.
Uhhhh. His interviews with Jim Cantiello. Like, it's freaking funny and they actually formed a somehwat-friendship so it's pretty cool to see. It's just freaking hilarious. I shall go get a random embed, more for myself so I can rewatch it, really.
Ugh nevermind I can't be bothered.
Day 15 - Your favorite YouTube video of Kris Allen.
Uhhhhhhhhh. Idk, that Kradam fanvid? Just, the editing and everything was really awesome and really depicted their epic friendship and everything and yeahh, it's 3am and I wanna sleep.